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you have to LIVE!!!!!! LIVE!!!!!

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Everyone, who I have talked to or hung out with in the past few days.. sorry for being really "weird" and not really being me. I'm sorry if I scared you because I didn't want to do that. I just wrote down every thought I could remember no matter how abrupt or odd sounding (we all think like this I believe.) Just the things in my life and the timing of them have really thrown me off into a person and place I really don't like. But I am pretty sure i worked it out. I spent hours just trying to sort the problems in my head by catagorizing them and analyzing them. Again I am sorry. If you have known me for awhile, you know I am never like this. I am okay right now. I'm sorry for my "odd" and rather scary attitude towards everything and I hope you all can understand. Thanks for putting up with me.I love you all.
Current Mood:
mellow Okay/content/anxious
Current Music:
Exit She Calls "Growing Uncertainty"
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I feel like a little 5 year old kid again. haha curious, confused, and feeling I wish I knew more. But it's good. haha yeah
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so yeah.... life hasn't been really great. But not completely sucky. so that's not bad
Current Music:
Taking Back Sunday "Ghost Man on Third
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hahahaaaaa everyone lets all make racial slurrs and treat me like shit!!!! It seems to be alot of peoples hobbie lately. My optimism is.... trying to come through but it's not at this current time. But whatever right?? Who cares hahahahahahaaaaaaaaa. Well school's almost over YAY! and then I can just live my life without... my school surroundings. I can't wait to see my love. I love her soooooooooooooooooooo much. I really do and you have no idea. ok...bye everyone I love you all.
Current Mood:
okay okay
Current Music:
Damien Rice"Volcano"
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Your Erotic LJ dream by cozzette
you went to bed feeling
You began to dream aboutmarsupialqueen
who waspreforming oral on you
inthier bed
withwhips and chains
which made youtwitch
but was interupted bycaligirlwannabe
who began tocall in everyone else to watch
You awokehoping you dont talk in your sleep
and you hopethat dreams do come true
chance of that happening:: 67%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Well I guess I love Jackie lol
~kayla~ I love you all!!
Current Mood:
indifferent tired,happy,bored
Current Music:
The Used" Poetic Tragedy"
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It's weird I sleep like 6 hrs and I still I'm tired. What the flip!??!?!!?!??! lol. Like seriously! I keep falling asleep in my classes. And being out sick for a week killed me! In Earth Science, Math, and Gym. And yeah my mom was just like" we're getting you a doctor's note" for gym. Haha I love my mommy. Well I must say things lately are pretty calm and mellow. It's pretty good. Ummmmm my brother called and he was jumped. Not fun... but he's doing really well at the current time and he's coming up in August. Which I'm hoping it's not when I go to camp b/c then I'll be torn. Either Saranac or my brother. :\ But it probably won't happen. And I'm going to go job hunting again. WOO! lol I want to work at hot topic but yeah. I'm gonna try the bowling alley in Warwick. Not chester b/c I don't want to see the kids I go to school with often. You all know the deal. Umm getting a car in June which is going to be rad. Then my late unofficial b-day party lol. Yeppers if you're reading this ur invinted to it! haha lol loser spaz right here! This Friday going to another show wooooo! It's punk/ska battle of the bands I think or I hope anyways lol. So yeah life is pretty grand. Well I must depart love you all.
Current Music:
Perfect Endings "Light a match for every Broken heart"
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Yeah it really sucks. Ok here's what's going on Betty, Michelle, and Jessica are having some probs. Right. Apparently Betty and Michelle aren't getting along. And they are all like talking about each other behind their backs. They said they havce confronted one another but I don't think they have. And they want me to be the middle person. and gahhh.... girls are annoying sometimes
Current Mood:
confused confused
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OMG!!! I got my permit!!!!!!!! YAY!!!! *dances!!!!!!!!!* lol and I got a 100!!! lol it was awesome! bye love you all
Current Mood:
accomplished accomplished
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOO! yes!!!!!!!! SCORE!!! and I am going for my permit like in a few so YAY!!!! I asm soooooooooooo excited!!! EEEEEEEEEE!!!! I am officially 16!!!! it is AWESOME!!! lol and yeah my tattoo we had to put off another 2 weeks b/c we are once broke again lol. But that's ok!!! well g2g love you all!!!!!!!
Current Mood:
Current Music:
Perfect Endings "Lost Conversation" acoustic
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FREAKIN INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! lol I moshed with Katie met Glenn and his friend rachel. Then we met her friend Morgan and a bunch of people. MOSHING WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!! Symmetry Breaking hearing their sound check was AMAZING!!! lol then Insult to traditon was pretty good. I got punched in the jaw!!! twas fun!!!! and I am wicked tired right now!!!*dies!* lol KICK ASS SHIT MANN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't wait for the next show! I want to go to battle of the bands again May 6th!!!! At American legion in greenwood lake, ny again!!! YOU ALL MUST COME WITH ME!!!!!!! Then WE CAN START A HUUUUUGE PIT!!!!!! lol SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!! But I was sprisingly getting kinda dizzy at one point oh well. nothing sleep can't help!!!!!!! lol later love you all!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU KASSIE!!!!!!!!
Current Mood:
bouncy bouncy
Current Music:
Perfect Endings"Lost Conversation" acoustic
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No one ever comments or stops in to say hi. So i'll say hi to myself. hi kayla"hi!" what's new???" nothing really you?!" nothing to much mann."so how are you!?!?!" I am oooookkk you?!?! "having my ups and downs you know all that jazz" ok stopping this now. There really isn't a point to having my lj if know one ever says hi or whatever. Ok I am going ok bye love you all
Current Mood:
okay okay
Current Music:
Phantom Planet"California"
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If I could just get my sister out of my family with no violence or no fighting I would do it in a second. The thing is it's just not possible. The only way she'll leave is if she stays with someone else. My birthday is coming up yay! I'm excited but I just can't have an major celebrating with my sister around. I hope she doesn't pull and of that fake nice bullshit she plays b/c I am literally on the edege with her. She wrote something that almost brought tears to my moms eyes, which my mom has never cried infront of me. The sound in her voice was qivering and was just so upseting to her.But I'm getting my permit yay for that! getting a tattoo yay for that! Theresa ur coming with me to get it! lol if anyone else wants to come tell me and you can! lol I'm having a late birthday party in June or July. lol yeah I'm just so cool I have it a month after my birthday.Sleepover too sooo yay for that! And Mr. Smith is being really really surly. I can understand him getting uptight about the play being so close but no need to take it out on ur students. He said if you can't make it that day tell him and I did and he SNAPPED! I was like I already have something that i am doing tommorow but he's like you have to dedicate urself to the play. I have btw been to almost EVERY reharsal. And on top of that and managing my time report cards came today. Oh boy! My mom was like you got all 70's I'm like "yeah but I tried" then she started yelling at me" you're not trying and u gotta shoot for 80's or higher". I was like "MOM!!!!! I do! I try I do the work and don't say I don't because I do!" Mr. Brigman bases ur average from the test we take and I'm not good with test. Like seriously! but yeah then my mom said "ur grades did get higher from last quarter" then yeah the thing with my mom not that big. But I just started to breakdown in tears. I just really need to have a good crying moment. I'm just glad that our lil break is here that's what I need right now. And Friday I am going to a show!!! Allison Model One! if you wanna go tell me then we can all go! lol O am going with Katie and Glennifer! lol. I a few people right now. You have no idea. Though I'm happy but I could be happier if I talked to these people Jackie, and Chris. My brother called when he's in money situations which I'm realizing maybe he's not really wanting to talk to me. But yeah he's coming in August yay. And Jackie I haven't seen her since halloween lol and I STILL have her skirt! lol*jackie if ur reading this I will get it to you soon!* lol yeah I miss you Jackie you should call me sometime.845-651-2421 yeah! haha ok yeah that's enough emotion pouring for 1 night love you all!!!! I hope everyone is happy and that life is treating you well!!!
Current Mood:
okay okay
Current Music:
The Mars Volta" the widow"
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She makes me sick to my stomach. I am serious. Just with her in my house it's sucha high price to pay. I really wish that she'd just leave, that's my 1 wish that she would leave. But it won't happen until she turns 18 which is this upcoming september. I love you all later
Current Mood:
drained drained
Current Music:
Perfect Endings"Lost Conversation" acoustic
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01. I miss somebody right now. Yes
02. I don't watch much TV these days. watch it sometimes
03. I love olives. they're ok!
04. I love sleeping. yeah!
05. I own lots of books. I don't my mom does
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses. I do and I keep getting hit in the face and ow
07. I love to play video games. I like them
08. I've tried marijuana. nope
09. I've watched porn movies. nope
10. I have been in a threesome. OH YES I AM JUST A THREESOME WHORE! lol*sarcasm*
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. nope
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy. umm it depends.
13. I have acne free skin. not totally I have a few.
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton. ummm.....
15. I curse frequently. lol yes!
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. yes I have
17. I have a hobby. yeppers poetry and sketching and other stuff too!
18. I've been told I (women) have an applebottom, or (men) am packing. what the hell is that?!
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. nope
20. I'm really, really smart. I've been told I am.
21. I've never broken someone's bones. damn straight!
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal. yeah
23. I hate the rain. LOVE THE RAIN!!!
24. I'm paranoid at times. sometimes
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. never!!!!!!
26. I need money right now! yes!!! who doesn't!?!?! but my parents don't even have $4 lol!
27. I love sushi. never tried it
28. I talk really, really fast. sometimes
29. I have fresh breath in the morning. lol no that's not possible for anyone.
30. I have semi-long hair. yeah a hair cut is in order!
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas. NO! lol
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister. 2 bros and 1 psycho sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S. HELL YESSS! Taiwan! GO ASIANS!
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis. I shave when I need to
35. I have a twin- hahaha YESSSSSS born a twin but seperated at birth
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past. nope
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D. I'd think I'd live
38. I like the way that I look sometimes. yeah!
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months. yeah
40. I know how to cornrow. lol I wish!
41. I am usually pessimistic. used to be not much at all now
42. I have a lot of mood swings. sometimes
43. I think prostitution should be legalized. no
44. I think Britney Spears is hot. *vomits!!!!!* hell no!!!!
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past.nope
46. I have a hidden talent. ummm yes????
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have. I am hyper whore!
48. I think that I'm popular. Oh yess!*sarcasm*
49. I am currently single. nope
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex. lol yeah birthday parties are fun?!?!
51. I enjoy talking on the phone. most of the time
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. nahhh
53. I love to shop. when I have money lol
54. I would rather shop than eat. I love both! lol
55. I would classify myself as ghetto. yess I am poor. no I am not a wigger I can't even be classified as a wigger b/c of being asian! lol
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders. lol when I was like 6
57. I'm obsessed with my xanga or livejournal. sorta I'm more obsessed with myspace
58. I don't hate anyone. I hate truly 1 person in this world
59. I'm a pretty good dancer. DAMN STRAIGHT! I have some moves!
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington. ummmm I dont even remember that case
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother. lol only when she's dancing or being "ghetto"
62. I have a cell phone. nope
63. I believe in God. yes I do
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis. dear god no!
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months. nope
66. I love drama. I like drama club and class. but I hate realistic drama
67. I have been in a real relationship before. right now
68. I've rejected someone before.lol no
69. I currently have a crush on someone. yes
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. I have some idea what I want to do
71. I want to have children in the future. undecided
72. I have changed a diaper before. nope
73. I've called the cops on a friend before. nope but the cops where at my house alot
74. I bite my nails. lol only my left hand now
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club. no but he's a pretty cool cat
76. I'm not allergic to anything. I don't think so
77. I have a lot to learn. everyone does!
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.nope
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie. lol no
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes. nope
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message. lol yes I am a computer SLUT!
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved. I have 54 lol
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs at a party. nope I don't like that part of the partay! lol
84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past. nope
85. I own the "South Park" movie. nope haven't seen it I should though
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on xanga or livejournal. I have avoided assignments just to be away from work!
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum. lol nope I didn't have friendly neighbors
88. I enjoy country music. EWWW NO!
89. I would die for my best friends. definately
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza. nooooo that stuff taste like shit!
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can. lol yeah only 1 though
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist. sometimes
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career. nope
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all. nooo!
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story." who?????
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy. HELL YESSSSS! and also the part of dressing up as someone or something else
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it. I LOVE LOVE IT!!!!!!
98. I have dated a close friend's ex. nope
99. I'm happy as of this moment. Yes and I hope it stays that way
100. I like sex. I'm a straight edege virgin and I love it!!!!!!
Current Mood:
geeky geeky
Current Music:
The Used "All that I've got"
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I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo STUPID!!!!*jumps of a bridge!!!* Jka3i@$&*Y$#%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I should just be shot! Why did I do that!!! just blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Current Mood:
crappy crappy
Current Music:
lost prophets " last train home"
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Well I was like I should update more often so I am going to start that. Today is April 8th and like 24 days until my birthday YESSSS!!!!! And I am THRILLED! Tattoo*don't ask where it's going lol* then my permit SCORE! and a car! I don't think I can have my party in May b/c of money and the house not being complete lol. But in the summer I'll have it. Then I'm going to VA beach to meet the love of my life!!!! *dies!!!* lol I can't wait and I mean it! lol Kassie and I will be having lots of "fun" lol. Then she'll come to ny and have lots of fun. Then THE WARPED TOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait!! lol I hope it was just like last year with me,Julianne,Jackie and Theresa because that was the best. And just all the bands that are on this year!*EXPLODES!* lol it's just gonna be awesome! Then going to Saranac with young life which EVERYONE says it's the best time of ur life. lol Then my brother is coming up for a week in August and I really hope it's not when I'm going to Saranac. I really want to try and mend things with my brother. I miss him. He stopped calling though which I just ponder alot about how he's doing and what he's doing. The last phone call lasted about 2-3 hours which made me really happy. I was like "Chris I Believe that you can over come this obstacle in ur life". WHen I told him that he sounded like he was crying. His voice sounded weak you know like after you cry ur voice gets... weak. He says" I'm gonna stop Kate, I'm gonna stop for you" that made me happy that I wanted to cry. The whole conversation felt like something out of a movie. But that feeling I got after I hung up the phone comforted me. it really did. My life has it's ups and downs but it's great! I don't think it could be any better. My family is pretty stable and not as rough anymore thank god. I have the coolest best friends in the world and I love them to death. And the wheater is AMAZING!!! Like I could die happy. But I don't plan to die anytime soon lol. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you all know that!
Current Mood:
happy happy
Current Music:
Foo Fighters"Times like these" acoustic!
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GOD DAMN MY FUCKIN BRAIN! I thought hmmm maybe if I give him another shot he'll be better. Sometimes I think I'm wasting my faith on him. Sometimes he doesn't seem serious about changing but he did quit smoking and drugs.He's married too. Which is a good start. But I mean sometimes he says he will do something and then he doesn't. I just want this time to be for real. I guess I'm sick of....broken promises. But life is good. But I must ask this one question. Should I hold on to him or let go? stupid BRAIN! lol grrrrrrrrrrr it! grrrrrrrrrrrrrr it to HELL! lol later love you all!!!!
Current Mood:
confused confused
Current Music:
Michelle Branch"Goodbye to you"
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Curious me! lol and I wonder if anyone is even gonna fill this out lol. I guess I'm just bored hehe. later my loves I love you all!

1. Who are you?
2. How long have you known me?
3. When/Where/How did we meet?
4. Describe me in one word.
5. What's your best memory of me?
6. How well do you think you know me?
7. How well do i know you?
8. What was your first impression of me?
9. When's the last time you've seen me?
10. Do you find me attractive?
11. Am i easy to talk to?
12. Do you love me?
13. Do you miss me?
14. Who would play me in a movie?
15. What song would you dedicate to me?
16. How long do you think we'll be friends?
17. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
18. Are you gonna post this in a blog so i can fill it out about you?

What Would You do if...

I cried:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:
I pissed you off:

What Do You Think Of My...

Choice of music:

Would You...

Be my friend:
Tell me the truth no matter what:
Lie to make me feel better:
Spread rumors about me:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Take a bullet for me:
Keep in touch:
Try and solve my problems:
Love me:
Have Sex with me:
Ditch me:
Use me:
Date me:
Beat me up:
Current Mood:
curious curious
Current Music:
Ben Forrest Davis " half"
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Well I will be turning 16 May 3rd YAY!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! I am soooooooooo very very excited! So many things are gonna be happening. I am getting a car, getting my permit, having my first party ever, my first tattoo, and just other things. Everyone keeps making jokes about me driving lol. My mom thinks I'm going to be a crazy driver.*not true* This means school is almost over!!! YAY! For my birthday party it's just gonna be where I invite my friends and it's gonna be a thing at my house. Maybe a movie, a ddr dance off! lol, and listening to music. Then my close friends are going to sleep over! and we can share secrets orrr MAKE LOTS OF NOISE! lol I am just so excited!*you know who you are!* I better start planning now lol otherwise this party thing isn't gonna work. My family has a tendency to not actually go through with it lol. What I am gonna do agian is count how old I've been for. An example of that is "I've been 15 for an hour now" lol I piss my brother off everytime. lol I was born 7:25 in the morning.WHO WANTS TO COME TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Someone please say yes! lol love you all!!!!! bye
Current Mood:
excited excited
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Things are happening soooo fast. It's amazing these changes that I am going through happen so fast. It's just insane. I mean Mentally in the last year I have changed alot* everyone has*. I mean I finally moved, I went to the Warped Tour*which was awesome*, I'm in 10th grade, I'll be driving in May, I finally resolved things about myself, I made peace about the past with my brother, and many other things. My mom, dad, chris, matt, and me are getting a second chance to make an actuall family. My brother god I love him and I miss him. It's going really good.I learned life lessons that some people will never learn in there life. So for that I'm glad.I've made many many new friends and I am still friends with my old ones. I just love this time in my life. Even though there are only really 2 things in my life that bring me down. That is school and my sister. But soon they both will be over which is great. I want to go to an art college. I talked to my parents and I just don't feel like I could fit in a regular college. I don't know it's awhile until that point. Just in school I feel so out of place*we all do* and I can't be myself at all. I can't express who I trully am and what I trully feel without being crusified. School and I just don't mix. But that's ok. Yeah cleaning the clutter in my mind lol. I LOVE YOU ALL! if you are reading this I LOVE YOU! lol seriously. Just know that. Life is just great.
Current Mood:
content content
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